This morning a German shepherd puppy shit on the pillow right next to my face in bed so there’s that.
Can we talk about how adorable the poster for my show is?
Malt liquor, vinyl, hockey, and cigarettes after a long night drive and porch sitting.
Today at least had the outward appearance of being perfect.
I should have never walked away from you at that airport.
Some nights I paint my nails black and listen to The Racer and drink out of newly purchased mugs and think about how I wish all your sad blog posts were about me or how Her really fucked me up because the way Theodore laughed and spoke when he was drunk is the same way you do and i miss that but also how every time I eat french toast I think of him and how he promised to make me eggs in a basket on my birthday but instead he made me cinnamon rolls and I couldn’t finish mine because I loved him too much.
Most days my opinion on marriage is “hell fuckin no” but then after all this time I realized you’re someone who could have changed that.
Fuck you for that.
We talked about grapefruit and Florida and music and beer and fancy bars and how things have changed over the past three years. And I was playful like I used to be and you pulled my scarf to bring me closer and I toyed with the edge of your jeans on your hip and we held hands like that’s how it should have been all along.
I know you wanted me, expected me, to stay by the way you turned all the lights off but I held your hand while you began to sleep and cried and told you how I loved you and that I was sorry for things that aren’t my fault and you made gentle noises in your sleep and moved your fingers between mine.
But then I left and went back to an empty apartment because that’s what I’ve done since that day in August when you kissed me goodbye. And the next day I was high in the air after a long drive, still thinking I could convince you to start eating grapefruit for breakfast.
Some nights you drive around to clear your head and all it does is make you realize you’re still forever second best.
Tiny bruises left from love bites sprinkled across my neck, a bug bite on my right hand, ticket stubs that fell from my pocket, the smell of you still a fresh memory.
Thanks for a fantastic visit. Sorry I’m ugly when I cry.
Josh sneaks Sydney into a bar and she becomes a lobster
Smelling leftover cigarette smoke in the shower as I wash your breath out of my hair will never stop making me sad.